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Anxiety

The Ups and Downs of Knowing Your Limits

It’s been months since my last post. I haven’t really felt like I have anything to say, or if I do, it’s in the form of a song or a story. And I promise, there’s movement on the album and the novel. But recently I realized I did have something I wanted to say, and it wasn’t going to fit neatly into either format. So here I am, back in the blog. My younger self didn’t know what my limits were. She would go running… Read More »The Ups and Downs of Knowing Your Limits

Trouble with Things

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I have an extremely hard time doing two or more “big things” in one day, especially if I’m wholly responsible for getting them done, and even more especially if they involve leaving the apartment. This means, typically, appointments, shopping trips, any [currently theoretical] shifts at work, any significant cleaning tasks, they all get their own days. This may sound like a mild annoyance (maybe, I’m not really sure how it sounds from the outside), but I have a lot of… Read More »Trouble with Things

More Room in My Head

Leading up to the show, I had so many things on my mind – more than once I drew the comparison between organizing the show and planning a wedding, and I don’t think I was exaggerating as much as it might have sounded like I was exaggerating. My poor brain was packed full of details, most especially because this was our first time doing anything like this. Well, it’s over, and although at first there was some weird stress surrounding the idea that we had… Read More »More Room in My Head

EP Release Retrospective

Well, Sunday was the night of the EP release event and I have some thoughts. I originally imagined presenting the Good, Bad, and Ugly of it all, but I decided to reframe it this way. The Easy The Difficult The Learning Experiences Finally I (probably) have lots more to say about this topic. If you have questions, ask me! Also, some people have asked if it’s possible to buy the EP. Well, there are no physical copies, but if you don’t have access to one… Read More »EP Release Retrospective

Upheaval

They say (somebody said, at least) that “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” In fact, I think no plan survives contact with anything outside the brain of the person planning. Sometimes my plans are dashed to bits before they even leave the relative safety of my own mind. This is why, despite great plans laid carefully time and time again, I am somehow still not exercising regularly. Exercise is one of those things that is supposed to be so good for your mental health… Read More »Upheaval

Change in the Weather

It’s that time of year again, the time when the weather blows right past the temperatures that I actually find comfortable and enjoyable and on into summer heat. This year, the predicted highs of the week1 have me thinking about something different. I’d say maybe it’s because this was already on my mind, but to be honest, this preoccupies me quite a lot and has for as long as I can remember, so I don’t know what has tied it to the weather this year. What… Read More »Change in the Weather

Burden

CW: brief discussion of suicidal ideation This week I want to talk about what it feels like to be a burden even when the people in your life try to tell you that you’re not, and why it’s actually okay to be a burden sometimes. I’m telling you ahead of time where I’m going with this because I don’t want anyone to get stuck in the first half, not make it to the last bit, and lose hope. So that’s where I’m headed. Hope. I… Read More »Burden

Shoulds and Shame

In my experience,1 therapists hate “should” statements. I’ve been pondering the concept of shame lately, and how it is not very helpful. For the sake of a common definition, let shame be a negative emotion (or collection of emotions) that hits you when you realize you are doing or thinking or being something that you shouldn’t. It can be triggered from the outside, by cruel words, a look of disgust, or laughter. It can be triggered from the inside, by habit, by a memory, or by analysis. The key… Read More »Shoulds and Shame

Testimonial

Well, we’ve finished recording all five tracks for our EP, and I thought it was time for a bit of a recording retrospective. I feel incredibly proud but also kind of hollow, like I’ve put all of myself somewhere else and now have to figure out how to regenerate a new self. Like a lizard. Only, less tail and more soul. I spent years working up to this, and I really feel like I’ve put everything into these five songs. I’m also really going to… Read More »Testimonial

Imposter Syndrome:

The Gift That Keeps on Giving Doesn’t Know When to Quit Recently we both registered with SOCAN1 in preparation for the release2 of the EP. It’s brought up a whole lot of feelings: excitement, anticipation, impatience, and pride, but also anxiety, insecurity, guilt, dread, and doubt. I thought I’d take some time to revisit the idea of imposter syndrome and unpack where some of these feelings are coming from, what they mean, and how I can keep them from stopping me.3 I think the first group of emotions is… Read More »Imposter Syndrome: