This is a blog post written in part nearly a year ago and in part just before posting. I went to edit it into something more appropriate to the present day, and I thought, no, I should leave what I wrote back then intact because it conveys a different flavour of hopelessness than what I feel now. I hope you enjoy, then, the tasting platter of despairing emotions set before you. April 2022 (Where I Was a Year Ago) First off, I’d like to acknowledge… Read More »On the Pandemic
Those of you who know me – and let’s face it, I think that’s everyone reading this at this point – may be wondering, “Where are the EP updates? I thought you were making an EP. Aren’t you working on that right now? How is it going?” and similar. The answer is, I suppose, that it is going amazingly, fantastically well, it’s better than I’d even dreamed, I’m so excited about this project, and… I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m not overly… Read More »EP Update: Things Are Great, Let’s Move On?
I wasn’t sure quite how I was going to put this, but I knew it was something I was going to have to say sooner or later. After much internal debate and struggle, I’ve settled on this phrasing: I don’t do well with ambiguous sensory input. Let me explain. I don’t like being in a dimly lit room (actually dark is okay, I don’t sleep with all the lights on). I don’t like very soft music (especially at a restaurant, where the noise of people… Read More »Obscured
Have you ever run down a steep hill? Maybe it was a sidewalk, maybe it was a sand dune. Maybe it was a grassy knoll. Doesn’t matter, the principle is (more or less) the same. When you’re running down a steep hill, you’re never really totally in control. Maybe your heels are skidding as you try to keep from falling over. Maybe you’re running faster than you really intended to because, well, gravity, I guess. Maybe you can see that when you get to the… Read More »Slippery Slope
We bought stickers from one of those custom branding places where you upload your logo and you can put it on all kinds of merchandise. We just thought, “I wonder if we could get stickers printed,” and then we did. Three sheets of twenty. We had a coupon code and took it out of the EP budget and in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t too bad. Why do we need stickers? Well, officially, we’re going to stick them on all our equipment and… Read More »Stickers
This week will be devoted to my decision around medication as it relates to mental health (or rather, mental illness). I know that some people don’t think any people should do that, and I have a problem with that attitude. I’m not talking about someone experiencing depression or anxiety and trying to decide for themselves whether or not it’s in their best interests to medicate (under the supervision of a doctor), because honestly, that can be a complicated decision. But I am talking about people… Read More »Pills, Pills, Pills: In Defence of a Complicated Medicine Cabinet
I see a lot of complaints about the DSM1. And honestly, a lot of them are valid. I get it. There are a lot of issues with it. I would not be uninterested in a discussion of alternative systems. But that’s not my topic today. No, today I want to explain why I am happy, for now, to be diagnosed according to the DSM. Because the reality of my situation is that, without it or something very much like it, I would likely not be… Read More »What a Difference a DX Makes
There’s a problem I’ve had for as long as I’ve been seeing psychologists. I learn a tool, and it’s very helpful for analysing my problems, but when I’m in the midst of having said problems, I can’t access the tool. I think of it like this: I keep all my tools neatly organized on this level down here, but in the heat of the moment I am up here and I can’t even SEE my tools from up here. In the slightly more descriptive version: I store my tools… Read More »DOWN HERE and UP HERE
I have a longstanding fear of Getting in Trouble. Those words come up a lot in discussion with Adam. As in… Adam: [parks car]Me: Are we allowed to park here?Adam: Yes, it’s a parking lot.Me: But the store doesn’t open for another fifteen minutes.Adam: I think it’s okay.Me: …but what if we get in trouble? That kind of conversation is extremely common. No, we’re not likely to have our car towed – WHILE WE ARE INSIDE IT – for arriving fifteen minutes before the store… Read More »Getting in Trouble
Lots of people experience stage fright. Not just beginners but also highly skilled performers. It’s no reflection on how good you are, or even how good you think you are, just a reaction to the idea of performing in front of whatever group of people you’re supposed to be performing in front of. Lots of people experience stage fright. I never experienced stage fright. I started “performing” (singing in church choirs and musicals) very young. Probably no later than kindergarten-age, though I couldn’t tell you precisely. So… Read More »Stage Fright