CW: brief discussion of suicidal ideation This week I want to talk about what it feels like to be a burden even when the people in your life try to tell you that you’re not, and why it’s actually okay to be a burden sometimes. I’m telling you ahead of time where I’m going with this because I don’t want anyone to get stuck in the first half, not make it to the last bit, and lose hope. So that’s where I’m headed. Hope. I… Read More »Burden
There’s a problem I’ve had for as long as I’ve been seeing psychologists. I learn a tool, and it’s very helpful for analysing my problems, but when I’m in the midst of having said problems, I can’t access the tool. I think of it like this: I keep all my tools neatly organized on this level down here, but in the heat of the moment I am up here and I can’t even SEE my tools from up here. In the slightly more descriptive version: I store my tools… Read More »DOWN HERE and UP HERE
For a balanced perspective, or at least one that could conceivably be called delicately off-, I should also touch on the other main topic of this blog: so here is my history with music, its place in my life then and now, and (an overview of) the way my mental illness and my musical life wind around each other. As you may be completely unsurprised to learn, music has always played an important role in my life. In the earlier days, a lot of it… Read More »Back From the Silence
Recap: Hi, I’m Laura. I made an attempt at blogging like this before, but honestly, hardly anyone knew it existed, let alone read it. I turned the blog’s name into a band-okay-duo’s name (with my partner), which felt really great at first. But something was missing. Then I realized what went wrong with the original blog—the audience problem—and I realized I could change things if I stopped screaming into the void and started talking to people instead. And boy, would that be work. But worth… Read More »Doing the Work
Recap: Hi, I’m Laura. I made an attempt at blogging like this before, but honestly, hardly anyone knew it existed, let alone read it. And I realized too late that I could change things if I stopped screaming into the void and started talking to people instead. My partner, Adam, and I met playing music, and we’re still doing it. I sing, Adam sings and plays guitar. I write lots of songs, and sometimes we write together. But we’ve never so much as played an… Read More »Second-Hand Domain Name
Hi, I’m Laura. Once upon a time, I flunked out of grad school. Okay, that’s a bit of a mischaracterization, my grades were quite good. But I realized that my goal was beyond me. In particular, I had wanted to become a counsellor and Help People. Alright, let’s be perfectly honest… I wanted to be Deanna Troi. But partway through the schooling for that I came to the sad conclusion that I couldn’t cope with the weight of it. The pressure, the high stakes. I… Read More »Screaming Into the Void and Expecting a Response