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Mental Health

Having to do with my mental health journey, or what I have learned about mental health.

Wholehearted

WHOLEHEARTED – give it all every time I give at allWHOLEHEARTED – wait and see just how easily I fallWHOLEHEARTED – make it clear if you’re never gonna call‘Cause I can’tPretend thatI’m not me – WHOLEHEARTEDLY Welcome to the behind-the-song coverage of our first single! Check out the song on the front page of our website or our YouTube channel (the song is also available on major streaming services) and then, if you feel so inclined, come back here and find out what it all… Read More »Wholehearted

Self-Compassion

For more information on self-compassion please (and please do) check out self-compassion.org I was introduced to the idea of self-compassion, via Dr. Kristin Neff’s 2013 TEDx Talk, by the psychologist I was seeing in the mid-2010s. I was struggling more then than I am now. I was also not in a great place, executive function-wise,1 and generally speaking, I figured that made me a pretty bad human being. In a session with this psychologist, I was berating myself for something or other, and she suddenly asked… Read More »Self-Compassion

Upheaval

They say (somebody said, at least) that “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” In fact, I think no plan survives contact with anything outside the brain of the person planning. Sometimes my plans are dashed to bits before they even leave the relative safety of my own mind. This is why, despite great plans laid carefully time and time again, I am somehow still not exercising regularly. Exercise is one of those things that is supposed to be so good for your mental health… Read More »Upheaval

Burden

CW: brief discussion of suicidal ideation This week I want to talk about what it feels like to be a burden even when the people in your life try to tell you that you’re not, and why it’s actually okay to be a burden sometimes. I’m telling you ahead of time where I’m going with this because I don’t want anyone to get stuck in the first half, not make it to the last bit, and lose hope. So that’s where I’m headed. Hope. I… Read More »Burden

Vocal Rest

We’ve been sick for much of this month so far. And it’s the worst kind of sick, the kind that affects your voice. As of this writing, I haven’t been able to sing for more than a week. I rely heavily on singing to get me through my life. I sing in the shower, which is just about the only way for me to get through a shower without coming out the other side clean-but-miserable. I sing in the car, to keep myself both calm… Read More »Vocal Rest

Shoulds and Shame

In my experience,1 therapists hate “should” statements. I’ve been pondering the concept of shame lately, and how it is not very helpful. For the sake of a common definition, let shame be a negative emotion (or collection of emotions) that hits you when you realize you are doing or thinking or being something that you shouldn’t. It can be triggered from the outside, by cruel words, a look of disgust, or laughter. It can be triggered from the inside, by habit, by a memory, or by analysis. The key… Read More »Shoulds and Shame

Feeling Feelings

Lately I’ve been crying a lot. Feeling feelings really hard. Often when I’m mired in my own emotions I will write a song, but I haven’t been able to complete a single new song the whole time we’ve been recording for the EP. So instead, I’m going to write a blog post about it. Let’s start with what I’m talking about when I say that I’m “feeling feelings really hard.” I’ve also been known to refer to it as feeling especially fragile. I cry because… Read More »Feeling Feelings

Memory (no, not that Memory)

How do you remember, is it all in one goMemories on display like paintings, all in a rowI don’t know -me, “Can’t” Normal I spend a lot of time comparing my capabilities with those of other people. It typically ends with me wondering why I don’t seem to live up to the standards of “normal” I see around me. It’s discouraging, even though I know perfectly well that there is a wide range of possible proficiencies at every task, and in most cases, I’m not… Read More »Memory (no, not that Memory)

Imposter Syndrome:

The Gift That Keeps on Giving Doesn’t Know When to Quit Recently we both registered with SOCAN1 in preparation for the release2 of the EP. It’s brought up a whole lot of feelings: excitement, anticipation, impatience, and pride, but also anxiety, insecurity, guilt, dread, and doubt. I thought I’d take some time to revisit the idea of imposter syndrome and unpack where some of these feelings are coming from, what they mean, and how I can keep them from stopping me.3 I think the first group of emotions is… Read More »Imposter Syndrome:

Cancelled

I do not like to cancel plans; I find it extremely stressful. On the other hand, once something is cancelled, especially when someone else has to cancel our plans, it can feel like a relief. My default state is Not Doing Anything, and hauling myself out of that is almost always difficult, regardless of how much I actually do want to Do Something. As a result, finding out I actually get to keep Not Doing Anything when I thought I was going to have to… Read More »Cancelled