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Mental Health

Having to do with my mental health journey, or what I have learned about mental health.

DOWN HERE and UP HERE

There’s a problem I’ve had for as long as I’ve been seeing psychologists. I learn a tool, and it’s very helpful for analysing my problems, but when I’m in the midst of having said problems, I can’t access the tool. I think of it like this: I keep all my tools neatly organized on this level down here, but in the heat of the moment I am up here and I can’t even SEE my tools from up here. In the slightly more descriptive version: I store my tools… Read More »DOWN HERE and UP HERE

Trunk Day

The year we first moved out of our parents’ homes and into our first place together, we bought all kinds of new Christmas decorations. And we kept them conveniently stored in the trunk of our car. We kept them there until the joyous day we had decreed that we would take them into the house and decorate. The day we called… Trunk Day. Trunk Day falls every year on December 1st, or the closest reasonable day for putting in the time it takes to decorate.… Read More »Trunk Day

Getting in Trouble

I have a longstanding fear of Getting in Trouble. Those words come up a lot in discussion with Adam. As in… Adam: [parks car]Me: Are we allowed to park here?Adam: Yes, it’s a parking lot.Me: But the store doesn’t open for another fifteen minutes.Adam: I think it’s okay.Me: …but what if we get in trouble? That kind of conversation is extremely common. No, we’re not likely to have our car towed – WHILE WE ARE INSIDE IT – for arriving fifteen minutes before the store… Read More »Getting in Trouble

A-DAW-rable: Baby Steps in Logic

I’m in a place right now where I’m wanting to pour a whole lot of information into my head at once. I want to be able to create beautifully finished home recordings, and I’m just not sure if that’s a thing that’s in my future. I’ve written before about The Buzz. Basically, it’s what I call the combination of anxiety and bipolar cognition problems that, more often than I’d like, prevents me from accomplishing whatever it is I’m striving for. Well, The Buzz is the… Read More »A-DAW-rable: Baby Steps in Logic

Stage Fright

Lots of people experience stage fright. Not just beginners but also highly skilled performers. It’s no reflection on how good you are, or even how good you think you are, just a reaction to the idea of performing in front of whatever group of people you’re supposed to be performing in front of. Lots of people experience stage fright. I never experienced stage fright. I started “performing” (singing in church choirs and musicals) very young. Probably no later than kindergarten-age, though I couldn’t tell you precisely. So… Read More »Stage Fright

The Buzz

If I’m not really relaxed, and I do feel relaxed occasionally, there’s probably a buzzing in my head. The volume runs from wasp through circular saw right up to whatever horrible thing the workers are using outside to re-something the thingy. It depends on how many things are creating the buzz and how serious my brain thinks they are. The Buzz, as I call it, puts a blanket over my ability to engage in any sort of thinking activity. Trying to force through it may give me… Read More »The Buzz

Learning with an Audience

I don’t know how many people actually enjoy doing things wrong, but I have to imagine there are plenty who don’t hate it as much as I do. I can just about do it when I’m on my own, but the problem with learning by making mistakes on your own is that you probably don’t know you’re making mistakes or, more important, you don’t know how to fix them. That’s where teachers come in. Someone who’s already past the stage of making your particular mistakes,… Read More »Learning with an Audience

The EP: Demo Day

This is less edited than usual, since I’ve written it mostly yesterday (in relation to the day I post it). Please enjoy the haphazard nature of today’s musings. There’s a project that’s been on my mind for several years now: going into a studio and recording my/our own songs. We’ve been saving up, birthdays and Christmases and what we could spare from bonuses and tax refunds. The process so far has been very slow. But now, we’re finally moving. We’re working on demos of the… Read More »The EP: Demo Day

Can You “Just Do”… Anything?

I planned this for very many months, this blog. I (eventually) wrote nine posts as a buffer, but (also eventually) there came a time when I had to start posting. Which meant writing new things every week. Needless to say, I am not completing new posts at quite the rate I post old ones. Why not? It’s not for lack of topics, I came up with a list of 60 before I ever started writing. Nope, I’ve got ideas, I’ve got time, I’ve got a… Read More »Can You “Just Do”… Anything?

Back From the Silence

For a balanced perspective, or at least one that could conceivably be called delicately off-, I should also touch on the other main topic of this blog: so here is my history with music, its place in my life then and now, and (an overview of) the way my mental illness and my musical life wind around each other. As you may be completely unsurprised to learn, music has always played an important role in my life. In the earlier days, a lot of it… Read More »Back From the Silence