Spark

I’ve been reflecting on my creative output over the last year. Yes, we put out an EP and we planned and executed a release event. But as far as writing, which I consider kind of a core aspect of my personality and sense of self, I only wrote about 30 non-EP blog posts, and I don’t think I finished a single new song. Not to say my creative self didn’t get any exercise, between putting together arrangements and recording and rehearsing and performing, but it’s the difference between going for a walk every day and, sans training, running a marathon. I don’t want to exhaust myself, I want to keep my brain running smoothly.

Having established that, creatively, I maybe didn’t have the year that I wanted even though, from a certain point of view, it was an enormously successful year, I would like to turn your attention to the What Went Wrong segment of this presentation.

What went wrong was marketing. Social media. Trying to find an audience for the EP and for the event. That stuff is awful. Getting otherwise-supportive people to click a link and watch a YouTube video or listen to a track on Spotify really does feel a little like pulling teeth sometimes. Don’t get me started on the hustling you’re supposed to do to get strangers to listen.

Please let me take a moment to fully and publicly appreciate the people who did watch videos, listen to songs, or attend the show. I don’t think I have words to adequately explain how I feel about that support.¹

But the social media of it all. That was really difficult for me. It put me in what I have repeatedly referred to as “a very dark place.” By the time we got to a week or two before the event, I was considering all my options, and I didn’t feel like I had a good way out. Besides, I wanted, I really wanted, to do the show. And I knew that if we didn’t do it then it wasn’t going to happen. It was just that getting the word out was a physically painful experience, and there isn’t another choice if you want to get people to listen or attend.

And it crushed my spark. I was having so much fun with the part of the project that involved getting the music ready and getting our pictures taken and all that, but once it came time to do that social side of things, my creativity got smothered.

A couple of months on, I feel like that spark has started making semi-regular appearances again. I’m treating it gently, sheltering it from the wind and rain and trying to give it whatever it needs to burst into musical flame again. I have written a couple of sets of lyrics, but the melodies aren’t coming. I’m giving them time.

The reality is that, perhaps, plausibly, possibly, I burnt myself out a little doing things I’m so ill-equipped to do. It takes time to come back from something like that. But I feel like I’m set up well to come back. I got rhythm, I got music, I got Adam, and all that. Who could ask for anything more. But I am asking for more: I’m asking myself to be kind to me as I go through this. Because if the other people in my life are being kind to me but I’m not, it’ll all end in disaster.²

—

¹ And it’s not too late to join the club! The EP is on Spotify, Apple Music, etc., and there are lyric videos for the singles on YouTube!

² Foreshadowing? Please do stay tuned this year for more music releases.