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What I Love

I’ve written a lot of things. Stories, essays, poems, songs. Typically, these have ended up in one of two categories: “this is garbage, I hate it,” or “someone else says this is good so I guess it’s good.”

I’ve also made a lot of music. Mostly amateurly, though on rare occasions professionally. But these performances have tended to fall into the same two categories: “this is garbage, I hate it,” or “someone else says this is good so I guess it’s good.”

But increasingly, over the last few years, I’ve been finding that I sometimes put things in a third category. This one is a little hard to admit to. It feels like I’m not supposed to think this way about my own work. This is the category, “wow this is actually really amazing I would buy this I can’t believe it’s mine.”

I’m not saying I think I’m creating great, enduring works of art. For one thing, that is not a call you can make about your own work, that’s for the audience to say. For another, I just don’t think they’re headed in that direction. But I do think some of them are good. At least, by my standards. I would listen to my songs and read my novel.

I’ve been curious about how I got to this point, the point of realizing I can truly enjoy my own art.1 I think there are three main contributing factors.

1. Practicing my Craft

    If you want to get good at something you have to do the thing. I’ve been doing that. I’ve gotten in a fair bit of practice on music and writing over the years. For the last few months I’ve been especially putting in the hours, working on both my novel2 and the second EP3 more days than not. I keep getting better at what I do, and that means that I’m producing objectively better finished works.

    Admittedly, progress isn’t always linear. But overall, more of what I produce now is better than most of what I produced in the past.

    2. Practicing my Self-Compassion

    Hey, if you want to get good at something… 

    I’ve also been practicing not engaging in harmful self-talk like “this is garbage, I hate it.” By extension, I’m not turning that “this is garbage, I hate it,” into, “I am garbage, I hate me,” and I feel more inclined to continue creating.

    3. Practicing Curiosity

    These days it seems like I’m always practicing my attitude of curiosity. (Which is a good thing.) In this case, specifically, what it means is, for example, asking what I don’t like about a piece and seeing what I can do to change it. I treat songs that aren’t as listenable or scenes that don’t quite work as practice for the ones that are or do. If I’m really attached to a concept or a phrase, I won’t scrap the piece but instead try to figure out what isn’t quite right and how I can fix it. It’s easier when I’m not telling myself the whole thing is terrible.

    Between these three, I’m learning to love my art. And the effect is cumulative. The more I love what I’m doing, the more I do, the better I get, and the more I end up loving whatever happens next.

    It makes me wonder. What other forces of good in my life would be encouraged into strength if I gave myself permission to love them?

    1 Again, not talking about great art, but small art. I am an artist because I work in the fields of the arts, therefore my work product is my art.

    2 First draft done! The revising is more of a chore so I don’t know how long that will take. 

    3 Again, don’t know how long that will take. But making some very exciting progress!

    1 Comment on this post

    1. Congratulations! So, if quotes attributed to famous people are to be believed, you’ve cracked the “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration” barrier. It very much sounds like you’re putting the hard work into both the creations you love, and you’reself. There’s probably a lot of stuff that you’ve labeled “garbage” in your head where you have simply been beating yourself up. Learning not to do that, hopefully means that you’re not only able to enjoy what you have produced but that you’re more willing to share it with other people, who can also get their enjoyment from it. I’m looking forward to reading the novel when it’s available for general distribution. Keep revising!! 🙂🙃

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