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Life

HALLOWE’EN (Or, And now back to your regularly scheduled programming)

(Written mostly on Monday, Oct. 30) I love Hallowe’en. My “favourite holiday” is a bit of a moving target, but Hallowe’en often appears in the crosshairs. (Other contenders include the secular part of Christmas and also whichever one is coming up next.) I hate being scared. I really do. I take no joy in haunted houses, think jump scares are one of the worst things ever occur to a filmmaker, and I think that as an adult I might like The Nightmare Before Christmas but… Read More »HALLOWE’EN (Or, And now back to your regularly scheduled programming)

Songs I’ll Never Sing

Content Warning: some mention of death and dying I write a lot of songs, and plenty of them will never see the light of day because they’re just not very good. Promise not to procrastinate‘Cause I can’t waitTo be the one you can’t avoidYou’re making me feel paranoidYou’re out to get me, got me thinking ‘bout what happens nextFrom the time our eyes meet to all the restIt’s the best -yes, I wrote this, and I don’t want to talk about it But there is… Read More »Songs I’ll Never Sing

Shoot

Adam and I spent last Thursday afternoon and into the evening engaged in a photo shoot for Delicately Off-Balance.1 It was a lot of fun, we had a great time working with the makeup artist and the photographer,2 we ended the day dizzy with anticipation for the pictures, and even now, days later, we are exhausted. “My neck is stiff from staring at you.” -Adam The day after our shoot was our 11th wedding anniversary. We decided to celebrate by not doing anything terribly strenuous. I wanted to talk… Read More »Shoot

Change in the Weather

It’s that time of year again, the time when the weather blows right past the temperatures that I actually find comfortable and enjoyable and on into summer heat. This year, the predicted highs of the week1 have me thinking about something different. I’d say maybe it’s because this was already on my mind, but to be honest, this preoccupies me quite a lot and has for as long as I can remember, so I don’t know what has tied it to the weather this year. What… Read More »Change in the Weather

Burden

CW: brief discussion of suicidal ideation This week I want to talk about what it feels like to be a burden even when the people in your life try to tell you that you’re not, and why it’s actually okay to be a burden sometimes. I’m telling you ahead of time where I’m going with this because I don’t want anyone to get stuck in the first half, not make it to the last bit, and lose hope. So that’s where I’m headed. Hope. I… Read More »Burden

Vocal Rest

We’ve been sick for much of this month so far. And it’s the worst kind of sick, the kind that affects your voice. As of this writing, I haven’t been able to sing for more than a week. I rely heavily on singing to get me through my life. I sing in the shower, which is just about the only way for me to get through a shower without coming out the other side clean-but-miserable. I sing in the car, to keep myself both calm… Read More »Vocal Rest

Shoulds and Shame

In my experience,1 therapists hate “should” statements. I’ve been pondering the concept of shame lately, and how it is not very helpful. For the sake of a common definition, let shame be a negative emotion (or collection of emotions) that hits you when you realize you are doing or thinking or being something that you shouldn’t. It can be triggered from the outside, by cruel words, a look of disgust, or laughter. It can be triggered from the inside, by habit, by a memory, or by analysis. The key… Read More »Shoulds and Shame

Testimonial

Well, we’ve finished recording all five tracks for our EP, and I thought it was time for a bit of a recording retrospective. I feel incredibly proud but also kind of hollow, like I’ve put all of myself somewhere else and now have to figure out how to regenerate a new self. Like a lizard. Only, less tail and more soul. I spent years working up to this, and I really feel like I’ve put everything into these five songs. I’m also really going to… Read More »Testimonial

Feeling Feelings

Lately I’ve been crying a lot. Feeling feelings really hard. Often when I’m mired in my own emotions I will write a song, but I haven’t been able to complete a single new song the whole time we’ve been recording for the EP. So instead, I’m going to write a blog post about it. Let’s start with what I’m talking about when I say that I’m “feeling feelings really hard.” I’ve also been known to refer to it as feeling especially fragile. I cry because… Read More »Feeling Feelings

Memory (no, not that Memory)

How do you remember, is it all in one goMemories on display like paintings, all in a rowI don’t know -me, “Can’t” Normal I spend a lot of time comparing my capabilities with those of other people. It typically ends with me wondering why I don’t seem to live up to the standards of “normal” I see around me. It’s discouraging, even though I know perfectly well that there is a wide range of possible proficiencies at every task, and in most cases, I’m not… Read More »Memory (no, not that Memory)