We bought stickers from one of those custom branding places where you upload your logo and you can put it on all kinds of merchandise.

We just thought, “I wonder if we could get stickers printed,” and then we did. Three sheets of twenty. We had a coupon code and took it out of the EP budget and in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t too bad.

Why do we need stickers? Well, officially, we’re going to stick them on all our equipment and put one on the car and give them to all our fans.

We put a sticker on our audio interface.

We put stickers on our microphones.

We… actually we haven’t put one on the car yet because we’re going to wait until our next carwash. Which really, really, should be soon. So you’re not getting a picture of that.

But unofficially? We wanted something, anything, physical that we could look at and say, “that’s us.¹ We are people who make music and that sticker there means us.” They are symbols. They represent our intention and a desire to be taken seriously. Okay not super-seriously. But at least a little bit seriously. Because it’s hard to treat ourselves as real musicians sometimes.

And just like that, this is suddenly the…

Requisite Imposter Syndrome Post

“Imposter syndrome” is a pretty ubiquitous term these days, but in case you’re unfamiliar, this is imposter syndrome:

Basically, it means looking around at the people who are really good at what you’re trying to do and concluding that you do not belong among them. There is a great Neil Gaiman story about it that you can read on his website here (https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html).

I do wonder a bit how I can even think I’m experiencing imposter syndrome this early in the game (which I guess is a bit meta – I’m an imposter at being an imposter?). But the reality is, I’m trying to do something, something similar to what lots of people have done very successfully before me, and I keep wondering… who the hell do I think I am? To be trying this? Am I really the right person to write about all these things? And to be clear, I’m experiencing this doubt twofold: about my songwriting and musical journey, but also about writing this blog.

To which doubts I eventually responded with this:

Of course I am. I am the only person who can. I am providing a personal account of things that have happened and are happening in my life and there is quite literally nobody else who can provide that perspective. I am singing my songs with my voice, and nobody else can, or has the right to, do that.

The other part of the question is, why are my words, my songs, my voice, things that deserve attention, and that feels a little stickier. But my answer is, for two reasons. First, because they might be what one person is looking for. Second, because they might be what one person doesn’t know they need. If I can do for one person what Carrie Fisher did for me, if I can cause one person’s empathy to extend a little for people dealing with things they can’t understand, if I can reach one heart with a song I’ve written, all the work and the questions and the self-doubt and the almost-giving-up will have been worth it.

I think what it comes down to, for me at least, is maybe not even being afraid of my treasured work being criticized or rejected², but a deep-seated discomfort with the idea of being appreciated. If we hang our self-image on the concepts of unlovability, unattainable goals, and chronic personal failure, where can we end up but imposter syndrome?

And when I cry it’s ’cause of you
After all that we’ve been through
You can look at me
And tell me what you see
Is beautiful
How can you look at me
And tell me what you see
Is beautiful

-me, When I Cry

Personally, I am trying to learn to coexist with imposter syndrome. To sit with the discomfort until it eases. I hope it does ease, eventually, but… well, somewhere along the line I came to the conclusion that the discomfort of feeling like an imposter was worth it if it meant I got to keep writing and singing. It’s worth a lot of discomfort to get to wonder if this time will be the magic I’m always looking for. So sit with it and see what you can create.

—

¹ Actually I already have a necklace that says delicately off-balance, it was a 10^th anniversary present, but that’s really just my physical thing, not our physical thing.

² NOT THAT THE FEAR OF BEING CRITICIZED OR REJECTED ISN’T THERE.